Sunday, March 8, 2009

KARMA is knocking.

"What goes around, comes around, what goes up, must come down.."

is what I told her.
she proceeded to be angry with me..
with a raised voice, saying that I'm "cursing" her future love life
that's false I say, its only the facts of life.. its how life works
she was always verbal about how much she "hated"
that I'd predict what was going to happen next in her life
I wouldn't say it's a prediction, "I just know" is what I tell her
I believe what really bothered her, is that I was always right when I told her these things
so when she randomly decides that she wants to go "date"
other women since things were rocky in between us
I saw that picture as clear as day.. it's when I was ripped off of the left side.
my thoughts were, "Start getting used to having a life without her,
because obviously she doesn't want me around too much longer"
I mean, how could I have missed it? The signs were as clear as day
being rude to me for no apparent reason.. always so quick to yell at me
always being entertained by some girl off of Downelink.com
that sidekick never left her hands
she used to not even touch her cellphone when I was around
but now always smiling and text messaging someone on her phone
I ask "so who's making you smile?" she fibs, "I wasn't smiling."
Or what about the time I was waiting for her to come home from work
made us dinner and everything..
she came home finally.. hugged, and kissed me like she was so excited to see me
made up a lie saying that the manager called
and that she had to go back to work to give her co-worker a set of keys
stayed up waiting, ate my food alone, and had fallen asleep
it was around 2am when she laid down with me
after going out to eat with another girl that sparked her interest
"I am not stupid" I said to her when I woke up
I've repeated that line way too many times to her
caught onto every lie, even ones that she didn't tell me.. I know of them, but never told her I knew.
sure I noticed how she didn't want me going with her to run "errands"
but I acted like I had no idea, she wanted to go spend time with her "bill"
(an inside joke/name they shared.. how sweet!)
I told her its hard to find someone that will always be there for you through thick and thin
someone that loves you, cares, and actually knows you like the back of their hand
sure, you can let the women lure you in with their glitz and glamour
but whats really going on aside from the physical attraction?
she told me how great of a girlfriend I was, and also said
"I know I wont find anyone like you, and yeah you're probably right..
I will regret this one day.. maybe I will be knocking at your door again"
I won't be here waiting over time.. so here's a question asked
"so you're really willing to take a chance at nothing,
with the possible result of losing something of great value?
I'm the person that held on for dear life trying to make things work
even after she broke up with me like 3 other times
I learned from a very special person;
"You can't make a person do something they don't want to do"
because in the end, they'll only do what benefits them, not you
she made my tears fall everyday uncontrollably,
I became sick, unhealthy, experienced extreme anxiety attacks..
I gathered my belongings finally, and moved away from her
it's what she wanted, what I didn't want, but knew I needed to do it
things started looking up for me instantly without the stress
we don't communicate much
other then the few times she dialed my number
when my step father passed away.
she has instant messaged me a couple of times
small tall though, and I've only seen her once since I've been gone
though she's still haunting my dreams some nights
I'm moving along with my own life, and giving attention elsewhere
so I've been up since 7:30a.m. and had the urge to put this in writing
why you ask? Because I received a collect call this morning
from a correctional facility... it was her, she's been arrested
for whatever reason I don't know yet
but I wonder why she didn't call the girl(s) she's dating?
she doesn't dial my number any other day.
I swear all things happen for a reason.